Kimberly Emerson

Hello, people.

I realize, I’ve left you on your own for a while, and I hope you can forgive me. Life has been a little…what’s the best word? Difficult? Overwhelming? An exercise in how many different kinds of heartbreak exist in the world? Yes. Take your pick. Forget running around to keep the plates spinning. The plates have all fallen. At this point, I’m just doing my best to avoid shredding my feet with shattered ceramic until I can find a pair of shoes.

I’d complain more, but I know other people have it worse.

If you read my buddy Erika Gardner’s blog, you’re familiar with Musical Monday. (Or sometimes Musical Not-Quite-Monday, if it’s been a busy week.) I happened on a couple of songs that made me decide to be a copycat, just this once. So I bring you my twist: Call & Response Wednesday.

It’s not catchy, I know. I’ll keep working on it.

Since Christmas, I’ve feasted on the sumptuous musical banquet of In the Heights. It’s the earlier work of Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creative force behind Broadway’s current smash hit Hamilton. In some of the numbers, he weaves rap into showtunes. Others, like today’s two, are more straightforward musical theatre. In the Heights stands out for multiple reasons—it has an even balance of male and female characters, the female characters have other agendas besides “Will this guy like me?” and two of the women with their own songs are over the age of forty. (One of them’s over seventy, and she gets a song and a duet with the leading man.)

Today’s offerings show off Miranda at his best. The call, “Breathe,” introduces us to Nina, a 19-year-old coming home to tell her parents that she’s lost her academic scholarship to Stanford. From the rest of the references to her in the songs, you don’t get the feeling she lost it through excessive partying. This girl works hard. More likely, she hit the time the rest of us do, when you’re trying your best but college kicks your butt anyway. I got the only C of my academic career in college. It happens. (Okay, the only one unless you count gym.) Her song reflects the ache I know so well, when you have to tell everyone who loved you that you failed to live up to their expectations. The line, “Hey guys, it’s me! The biggest disappointment you know,” hits me right in the heart.

NINA:
Breathe

This is my street.
I smile at the faces
I’ve known all my life.
They regard me with pride.
And everyone’s sweet,
They say, “You’re going places!”
So how can I say that while
I was away, I had so much to hide!
Hey guys, it’s me!
The biggest disappointment
You know
The kid couldn’t hack it,
She’s back and she’s walkin’ real slow
Welcome home.
Just breathe…

Just breathe…

As the radio plays old
Forgotten boleros
I think of the days when this
City was mine
I remember the praise
Ay, te adoro, te quiero
The neighborhood waved and said
Nina, be brave and
You’re gonna be fine,
And maybe it’s me,
But it all seems like lifetimes ago
So what do I say to these
Faces that I used to know?
“Hey, I’m home?”

Hey…

They’re not worried about me

They are all counting on me
To succeed
I am the one who made it out!
The one who always made the grade
But maybe I should have just
stayed home…

When I was a child I stayed
Wide awake, climbed to the
Highest place, on every fire
Escape, restless to climb

I got every scholarship,
Saved every dollar,
The first to go to college,
How do I tell them why
I’m coming back home,
With my eyes on the horizon
Just me and the GWB, asking,
Gee Nina, What’ll you be?

Straighten the spine.
Smile for the neighbors.
Everything’s fine.
Everything’s cool.
The standard reply,
“Lots of tests, lots of papers.”
Smile, wave goodbye,
And pray to the sky, oh God…
And what will my parents say?

Can I go in there and say,
“I know that I’m letting you down…”

Just breathe…

It’s hard news for anyone to give Mom and Dad, and she’s lied about it for months. When he finds out, her father sings an equally heartbreaking song, “Inútil (Useless),” and sells the family business without consulting anyone else, to raise enough money to send her back to school. Of course, this causes a whole bunch of other problems. When everything hits the fan, it’s time for Mom to step in. She doesn’t come up with a magical solution. Instead, she sings the song, “Enough!” with its refrain of “When you have a problem, you come home!”

I adore this song, and not just because it breaks the age and agenda stereotypes for women’s Broadway tunes. It reminds me of a truth that surpasses problems. Camila rages at her husband and daughter, not because they failed, but because they tried to handle all their problems themselves. So often, many of us push ourselves too far and too hard, forgetting that we don’t have to survive alone. Your family, your real family, is there to help you. Maybe that consists of people who share your DNA, and maybe it doesn’t. Maybe, like me, it’s a combination of the two. They may say stupid things some times, they may get tired of hearing you complain, but if they’re the genuine article, they’d rather have you there with them when life goes sour, even if you aren’t always the best company.

CAMILA
Oh my God enough!
Now you listen to me

NINA
Mom…

CAMILA
Carajo, I said enough
I’m sick of all this fighting

KEVIN
Cami…

CAMILA
Yapapapapa
I think you’ve said enough
Now listen to what I say
What I say goes
(to Kevin) Papi, you’ve pushed us all away

KEVIN
I’m trying to…

CAMILA
I don’t wanna hear it!
We make decisions as a family
And throwing Benny out like that?
You sound just like your father
We both know what a son of a bitch he was
You think it all comes down to you

KEVIN
Cami, let’s talk about it

CAMILA
No no no no no!
No no no no no!
No you don’t!
When you have a problem you come home
You don’t go off and make matters worse on your own
One day you’re gonna come back home
And you’re not gonna find me waiting anymore

KEVIN
I’m sorry…

CAMILA
(to Kevin) Huh. Damn right you’re sorry.
(to Nina) So you stayed out all night

NINA
Mom…

CAMILA
I’m talking now
You scared us half to death
You know that right?

NINA
I’m sorry-

CAMILA
Don’t apologize to me
You save it for your father

NINA
What?

CAMILA
Look at your father
He doesn’t sleep when you’re gone
He’s worked his whole life to help you go farther
And he can’t admit when he’s wrong
Now who does that remind you of?
You two deserve each other
For months you’ve lied to us
What did we do to make you think we wouldn’t do anything and everything for you?
When you have a problem you come home
You don’t run off and hide from your family all alone
You hear me?
When you have a problem you come home
As long as we’re alive, you’re never on your own
Leave Benny
Take Benny
It doesn’t make any
Difference, as long as you come home

No no no no no!
Enough lying
Enough screaming
I’m done trying and I’m leaving it up to you
It’s up to you
I’ll see you both back home
Enough!

With the possible exception of a few genuine hermits, the rest of us aren’t meant to carry all of life’s problems alone. Like the cord of three strands woven together, we are stronger together than we can each be individually.

Enjoy the songs. Share them with family. If you don’t think you have any family, look around. Chances are good there’s a friend, a co-worker, a church member, someone who has your back even when you don’t realize it. Find them…and let them in.

Kimberly is sitting with furry family right now, and has been texting other family all day. It doesn’t fix everything, but it makes it better.

Tags: Breathe, Enough, family, feminism, Hamilton, hermits, In the Heights, Lin-Manuel Miranda