Out With the Old…
Dec 29th, 2011 by Kimberly
Every year at this time, news bureaus recycle news stories for year-end retrospectives, champagne sales go up, and I get depressed.
No, depressed is the wrong word. I’ve been seriously depressed – see multiple previous posts – and my year-end blues don’t come anywhere near that particular iceberg. No, it’s just a temporary emotional funk, where I see endings all around me and my failures of the past year writ large. The clock strikes midnight, life opens the door on a new year, and I step into the stark light of a new beginning. Somehow, though, there’s no getting past that murky reflection of the last twelve months.
I’ve played the usual game of remembering my favorite moment of the previous year. It just makes me realize that the prized moment has passed, and I need to move on.
So what’s the pro-active 2011 mourner to do? I think part of the answer lies in an unpopular Renee Zellweger movie. One True Thing, I believe, although I wouldn’t swear to it. All I remember is the moment where she and the guy playing her brother decided instead of recounting their successes from the past year, they were going to list their biggest failures. I loved it.
I don’t know what makes it so perfect. Maybe it’s the act of letting that thing you’re not proud of into the light, and seeing that it’s not as bad as you thought. Or it could be your subconscious absorbing the fact that failing means at least you tried to do something that you weren’t totally sure you could do. Perhaps the true liberation lies in announcing the failure in front of others, hearing that they failed at things too. Pick whichever one you like, but in all instances, it frees you from the burden of that defeat. The new year presents us with a blank slate. How much better a start can you make than to leave all your mistakes behind?
One of my favorite church songs says “Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.” (The link will take you to a version of the song by Gladys Knight that makes my heart resound with joy.) Moving on from our failures brings peace, and this is a wonderful opportunity for me to begin the process, on my own behalf, and maybe the world’s. Hey, it has to start somewhere, right?
This year, I failed in a relationship. There were all sorts of factors involved, but the fact is, someone was a part of my life, and now he’s not. Could I have done something differently that would have changed that? I don’t know. To be honest, I hope so. I’d like to think I can do something differently next time to get a better result. But I don’t know, and I won’t know for sure until I risk failure again. Yikes.
This year, I did not finish my third book. The money wasn’t there to take the research trip I need, that was part of it. But I also got distracted with other things. Granted, one of them was this website, which has given me another creative outlet. However, truth is that the my lack of success in publishing my other books makes me scared to create another literary work that the world can reject. In a way, I put off writing my book on purpose.
This year, I did not manage to save money. Prices went up, no doubt. My mortgage didn’t get any cheaper. Again, though, it was a matter of priorities, and many times I valued a latte over a personal safety net.
These are some of my failings of the last year. I admit them openly. And you know what? Given the same circumstances, I’d probably do all of them again. Those decisions did not add up to the successes that I wanted, but they were a product of their environment, and they brought me to where I am now – alive and kicking, with a few more life lessons under my belt. (I don’t actually wear belts much, but I still manage to hold onto the wisdom, at least on a good day.)
Maybe that’s the greatest lesson of all…to realize that all of your failures brought you to this very moment, ready for your next success. What were some of your failures this past year? Perhaps sharing them will let you stop viewing the bad times as walls, and start seeing them as stepping stones.
Happy new year, dear reader-friends. I wish peace to you all, and look forward to more lively discussions of matters great and small in 2012.
Kimberly’s first New Year’s resolution is to think up a catchier term than reader-friends. Readends? Frieders? Hmm…she will keep thinking.
This year you also stood in a room where four fabulous women gathered, women who had not been together as a group in more than 25 years and YOU helped make that happen. YOU made yourself relevant and loved by people (myself clearly included) who frankly do not have the time for even one MORE thing- but you are worth it and you made the grade, easily, my friend, you made it easily.
You spoke out passionately about causes that need to be discussed and spoke for people who do not usually have a voice. You broke down complex monetary issues into understandable concepts for the every man/woman. You laughed, you cried, you made your presence felt, you LIVED and you are loved and respected for it.
You pulled your own financial little red wagon and asked for no assistance from anyone and your tax dollars go to help many. You are valued in your church and lead a rich spiritual life; one of the few to balance the physical, the intellectual, the emotional AND the spirtual.
You know the people in your community and they know you. The waiters, the barristas, the neighbors are all touched by your smile and your personality. The world is a better, brighter and more interesting place because you are in it, Kimberly Emerson.
The acclaim, the books, the awards? They will come. It is inevitable. What you are creating in Charlotte, in all your characters is so superior to the standard romantic comedy, the typical book of the month club selection. The cream will rise, Kim. It’s Physics.
2011 was a very good year. Simply because we shared time and wrote more stories and so boldly we go… into 2012 and our next adventure!
“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”- Christopher Robin to Pooh… in this case Erika to Kim
Is it any wonder that I love you, my friend? Thank you so much for this. Don’t worry, I don’t count my failures as summing up my whole being. I just needed to ship them out into the universe so that I don’t have to carry them with me into the new year.
I am blessed beyond measure, in friends, in family, in Zoe-ness, and most especially in God’s love. My life will continue to grow – but even if it went no further than it is now, it is, in the words of Frank Capra, A Wonderful Life.
Got it, ship away, my friend!