The Holidaze
Nov 30th, 2011 by Kimberly
It’s hard to believe, but December is looming over our collective shoulder. You recognize the signs, don’t you? There is a nip in the air (except in Los Angeles) and daylight is suddenly at a premium (even in Los Angeles). It doesn’t matter if you go directly from your heated garage to a windowless office in a climate-controlled building, you’ve still probably noticed that ads on your computer feature a lot more red and green than usual, and that the words “Free Shipping” are in larger print. As in so many other things, America is not subtle about letting us know that we have entered the holiday zone.
“Holidays” might once have been a pleasant term. “Holy days” – someone must have used them to think higher thoughts, yes? Now, the word means stock up the fridge, empty your wallet, and prepare to be disappointed, because a deranged Norman Rockwell painting has come to haunt us all.
Time was, if you were fortunate enough to be Jewish or Moslem or Hindu or Buddhist, you were exempt from the frenzy. HA. America will have none of that. We believe that all people are created equal. That means everyone can over-eat and over-spend, regardless of race, religion or creed. We created Thanksgiving and Santa Claus. If there isn’t legislation mandating that everyone gather round a turkey or turkey-like substance (tofurkey, anyone?) on the fourth Thursday of November, there soon will be (with Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry racing to endorse it). Small children are taught fast that if they are good (or at least didn’t commit any felonies), they should expect presents from a red-suited man with way too much time on his hands. Adults get suckered into the non-denominational “Secret Santa” at work (even if their co-workers made the Naughty list by July). The meal may be vegan and organic, and the spending may be done in accordance with Small Business Saturday, but the result is all too often the same. A whirlwind of indulgence that somehow leaves us all with indigestion of the soul on New Year’s Day.
For what remains of 2011, in between bringing you interesting tidbits about corporate fraud and political shenanigans, I will devote myself to finding ways to make your holiday load a little lighter. If you are truly in a holy daze, wrapped up in contemplation of the Divine, I applaud you, and my only advice is to avoid the freeway. If, however, your daze is completely secular and seems to feature a continuous loop of dogs barking a slightly flat version of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” read on, and together we’ll try to find the peace of mind that you lost at the mall.
Step One: Embrace the New
This probably sounds strange coming from Kimberly, History Buff and Lover of All Things of Antiquity, but work with me. What is the main thing that we get hung up on around now? Put your arms in the air and sing it with me, Teyve-style: “TRADITION.” (Get cast in a production of Fiddler on the Roof once, and you never get it completely out of your head.) Whether your rituals involve lighting menorahs or decorating trees or kissing strangers at midnight, you probably have some fond memories of holidays past. If you don’t, you have implanted memories of Christmases or Hannukahs or New Year’s Eve parties that you feel should have been yours. In some way, you are trying to recreate a perfect moment, your own or someone else’s, that represents what the holidays should be.
Reality check: those holidays never existed. I’m not kidding. That perfect Christmas you remember from when you were six? You have conveniently forgotten that your mom broke your grandmother’s favorite turkey platter and Uncle Kenny backed into your dad’s brand new Mustang on the driveway and that for half an hour there, no one was speaking to anyone. You were six and you had a new Big Wheel. What did you care? (Things that you saw on TV or heard related by someone else are even less reliable.)
I am not trying to rain on your parade here, just to remind you of a fundamental truth: things that never actually were can’t possibly happen again, since they didn’t occur the first time. So, give yourself a break and quit trying.
A few months ago, my family looked at some pictures from Christmases past, and we realized something: we couldn’t tell which Christmas it was. We agreed it was at least ten years ago, we recognized my grandparents’ kitchen, and my brothers and I had all reached our full height. Beyond that, the timing was a mystery. Mom could have scribbled any year from 1988 to 2000 and I would have believed her.
Is that really what we’re after? Holidays that are completely interchangeable? Traditions are great, don’t get me wrong. I still want pumpkin and mince pie for dessert, small slice of each, please, just as I’ve had for the last 30 years or so. (No, I’m not trying to shave a few years off my age, I didn’t start liking mince pie until I was at least 12. Taste buds are strange and changeable things.) But in addition to the old, how about we add something new? One thing that hasn’t been around forever and ever, and probably won’t be there next year. Something like, say, a small slice of pecan pie in addition to the other two. That could work. Maybe next year it’s raspberry cheesecake, instead. I’m open.
The great thing about introducing a new element into your holidays is that you don’t have to worry about getting it right. It’s never been there before, and it will never be there again. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be fabulous – or even better, maybe it won’t. The best holiday stories in my family, the ones we laugh at over and over again, are almost always about the things that at the time were a complete disaster.
Try something new this year. Sure, someone might frown and say, “We’ve never done it that way before.” Just give them a big smile and say, “I know! Isn’t it great?” Then leave the room before she gets a chance to reply.
If that doesn’t work for you, stay tuned…this is only step one.
Kimberly will continue seeking solutions for all your holiday woes, and you never know, she might find them. You’d better keep reading her column, just in case.
Thanks for the beautiful post, Kimberly. Hmm… what can I try new this year that will make it a “stand-out” Christmas? Well, for one thing it will be at my daughter-in-law’s house (the new one in Orange County). What does that mean? Let’s see, I won’t have to cook, BUT will I still be able to have the “traditional” treasure hunt before opening presents?
I chose one wrapping paper per person in our family, then wrap, but do NOT put tags on the gifts – each person gets their own colored presents, but they don’t know which as yet. I tape a snipit of each wrapping paper on a board with their names underneath and hide the board. Then…. I make up an elaborate list of clues for each of my 3 granddaughters to read and follow (more difficult every year). Eventually they find the board and see whose gifts are whose. They love it, even though they are now teenagers.
But… how will I do that at someone else’s house? Hey!! It will be a NEW tradition when I figure out how to do it.
PS: Still love the photo banner at the top of your page.
Thanks, Jackie! My grandmother used to do something similar for me & my two brothers at Easter, making increasingly difficult puzzles for us to solve to find our Easter candy. You had to be at your cerebral best to find the Easter basket at her house! We loved it. But yes, it is a challenge to do at someone else’s house. But I am certain that whatever you do, your granddaughters will love it, because it gives them a chance to see how your mind works!
Thanks Kimberly, good advice. The holidays have certainly changed for me, and it takes getting used to. Learning to let go of the fictitious ideal and enjoy reality today. Still love the feel of the season, especially hearing Christmas songs. Now I focus on the whole season instead of one date on the calendar.