Kimberly Emerson

“There’s no more uptight non-smoker than an ex-smoker.”

My pastor’s wife said this (or words to this effect, anyway) some 25 years ago.  Several of us were chastising one of the choir members about his tobacco habit, and he was getting annoyed with our lecture.  We were probably being annoying.  We were also right, but the two often go together.  Anyhow, Pat explained with a wink that the reason she got so worked up about it was that she used to be a smoker. Every time someone lit up, it reminded her that she still wanted to.  Pat was (and probably still is, I just haven’t talked to her in forever) a wise woman who understands that sometimes a little confession can be as good for other people’s souls as it is for your own.

Apparently, she’s alone in that.

Yesterday, the House of Representatives held a hearing on “The Extent of Radicalization in the Muslim American Community and that Community’s Response.”  It was spearheaded by Rep. Peter King (Republican, New York).  Much talk has happened over whether this hearing should have happened in the first place.  Since that talk has already occurred, there are a lot of things (like, “Nobody ever asked the American Christians what they were doing about abortion clinic bombings, now did they?”)  that I don’t need to say.  So, I can move on to the interesting personal history of Rep. King: he was a long-time, vocal supporter of the IRA.  That’s right, the Irish Republican Army, the one that planted car bombs in the name of liberty in Northern Ireland.  I don’t pretend to simplify the Northern Ireland conflict.  Mr. King said Irish violence was a response to centuries of British repression, and I can understand that there was blame on both sides.  You could also argue that the U.S.’s political agenda in the Middle East played a big part in building up support for Al-Qaeda.  Mr. King claims that unlike Al-Qaeda, the IRA was fighting against its own government, so it wouldn’t be classified as terrorism.  Mr. King is correct – by strict definition, it would be classified as treason.  His support for it makes me question his qualification for service as the chair of the Homeland Security Committee.  His holding of hearings on whether the Muslim community has done enough to quell radicalization strikes me as positively laughable.  Mr. King, however, has yet to see any inherent hypocrisy on his part.

I wish it ended there, but it doesn’t.  The number of pastors and politicians who condemn homosexuality as a sin and then later turn out to have had sexual relationships with people of their own gender has grown almost too large to count.   Ted Haggard.   Lonnie Latham.  George Alan Rekers.  Eddie Long.  Those were just the names that came up in a quick internet search.  Sometimes they will confess but say they are now “cured.”  Sometimes they will deny the whole thing, even when there’s enough evidence to wallpaper that lovely mansion their congregation so generously paid for.  My personal favorite was Mr. Rekers’ claim that he had hired the young man in question to carry his luggage because he had recently had surgery, when photographs clearly indicate Mr. Rekers carrying his own luggage.  Personally, I think there’s nothing wrong with being gay, and who these folks choose to sleep with is nobody’s business but their own.  (Well, and their spouses’.)  But it would be refreshing to hear one of them acknowledge their double standard by saying something like, “I condemned homosexuality because I have these feelings and I’m afraid of what other people will think of me.”   Alas, I wouldn’t put money on it happening in this century.

Just this past week, right after watching the Oscars, America got to listen to perennial presidential candidate Mike Huckabee tell us that we were being corrupted by the evil influence of Natalie Portman.  She and her fiancé are expecting a baby this summer.  Mr. Huckabee chastised her for glamorizing unwed pregnancy.  Well, he claims he wasn’t criticizing her, he was just making a point about society.  (I think when you mention her name specifically, you’re sort of bringing her into it, but that’s just me.)  When someone brought up the fact that the daughter of a rather recognizable Republican had already done that, several right-wing commentators rolled their eyes and said, “The Democrats just love bringing that up every chance they get.  They can never let it go.”  Um, no.  When you judge a 29-year-old woman for her personal decisions, other people will feel compelled to bring up the 17-year-old on your team who made the same choice.

It is a strain to write this column, because it hits home.  My own personal temptation has always been judgment of others, and I wrestle with the issue on a daily basis. Yet here I am, doing just that.  So to all of these people and so many more who have the same issue, I say, I struggle with you.  Accountability is a pain, but it comes with the territory.  If you choose to hold up a standard by which other people should live, don’t be surprised when someone holds the same measuring stick up to you.

I know that a lot of times issues are too complicated for simple comparisons, but seriously.  Before you start preaching too loudly about other people’s sins, take a look at your own, and ask yourself whether you might need to clean up some of your messes first.  Or maybe even ask someone else.  If Al Gore had run it by me, I would have mentioned to him that when he chooses to live in a 10,000 square foot mansion that uses 12 times more electricity than the neighborhood average, it makes people wonder.  Yes, I know that this comprises his office space as well as his home, and that he uses alternative energy sources as much as possible, and that he pays for carbon footprint offsets.  Still, it makes the rest of the world question his commitment to the “reduce” section of “reduce, reuse, recycle.”

It boils down to this: as parents have learned since time immemorial, children learn by what we do, not by what we say.  If you want to make a better world, figure out which standards are really important to you, and live by them.  My pastor’s wife had been a smoker, and decided that she needed to quit.  That very personal struggle gave her understanding.  Maybe my own battles with judgment are exactly why I felt compelled to write this, really.  If something is not your intimate issue, you might not actually be the most qualified person to discuss it.

There is a bright side.  Being a good example is a lot less stressful and time-consuming than being a mouthpiece.  Once I began (obviously, it’s an ongoing process) to lighten up on the rest of the world, I was able to ease up on myself.  Not only did I become a more empathetic person, I had a more satisfying life.  I can wish no greater joy for any of the people I’ve taken to task today.

Kimberly struggles continually with judgment of others, and today she lost the battle.  She will now go back to trying to take that pesky plank out of her own eye.

Tags: Al Gore, Eddie Long, George Alan Rekers, hypocrisy, judgment, Lonnie Latham, Peter King, Ted Haggard